Pompey: If the gods are good, they shall help out a good man
Menecrates: You should know that they do things on their own time
Pompey: We need power
Mencrates; We not knowing about ourselves, beg to harm ourselves, which the gods deny for our own good and we’ll benefit from it
Pompey: What the hell does that mean? I will do well: I am a fucking boss and all the other leaders are pompeous douche bags
Menas: Caesar and Lepidus are good guys
Pompey: Where you here this? You are lying!
Menas: From Silvis, sir
Pompey: He dreams: I know they are in Rome together looking for Antony. But Cleopatra is so hot, I’d tap that till next year.
ENTER VARRIUS
SUP WIGGA!
Varrius: Mark Antony will be her soon
Pompey: SO?
Menas: They should battle and both die
Pompey: Your probably right. They’d both die and I could seize power. Anway lets bounce
Act II Scene II @ Lepidus’ house. Enter Lepidus & domitius Enobarbus L:You gotta tell Antony to tone it down when he’s talking about Caesar.
DE:He can talk however he wants, he doesn’t have to bow down to anyone!
L: don’t get fired up, I’m just saying… Enter Antony & Octavius L:Guys, we need to talk about what’s going on.Let’s try to be calm and listen to each other.
Ant:I’ll try.
Oct:Welcome to Rome, Antony.
Ant:Thanks.How are you?
Oct:Concerned.About you.
Ant:Because I’ve been in Egypt?
Oct:Not just that you were in Egypt, but what’s been going on here while you were there.
Ant:What are you talking about?
Oct:The fact that your wife and brother led an army against me?
Ant:Look, I had no hand in that.That’s between you and him.And my wife…she’s another story.You can control half the world and still not control her.
Oct:I sent messengers to you in Alexandria, you didn’t even respond!
Ant:Look, I was partying that night, I came back to they guy the next day, it’s over.
Oct:You have betrayed us.
Lep: Wait a minute!Let’s be calm!
Ant:No, let him speak.This is serious.How are you saying I betrayed you?
Oct:You swore to help me in any battle I fought and you didn’t.
Ant:Well, I was going to….look, I’m sorry.
Maecenas:Can we all agree to put this behind us and talk about the real problem we’re facing now?
Lep:Good idea
DE: In any case, we can come back to this, let’s just talk about the Pompey problem now.
Ant:Shut up.
DE:Fine, I forgot I’m not allowed to make helpful suggestions
Agrippa:Caesar, can I make a suggestion?
Oct:Go ahead.
Ag:You have a sister, right, Octavia?And Antony’s wife just died.
Oct:If you don’t count Cleopatra.
Ant:She’s not my wife, let him continue.
Ag:Why doesn’t Antony marry Octavia, she would tie you guys together.
Ant:Caesar, what do you think?
Oct:I don’t know, what do you think?
Ant:I think it sounds like a deal.
Oct:(smiling)It’s a deal!Take my sister for your wife, and let’s hope this is the end of our disagreements.
Lep:Yay!We’re all getting along now!Let’s go find Pompey
Ant:Where is he?
Oct:Mt. Misenum.He is getting more men together by the day and he’s already in control of the sea.
Ant:That’s what I’ve heard.Let’s get going.Lepidus, come with us.
Lep:You don’t have to say that twice! Exeunt Octavius, Antony, Lepidus Maecenas:Welcome to Rome, sir.
DE:Thank you, men.
M:You are enjoying Egypt?
DE:Sleep all day, party all night, what’s not to like?
M:That’s what I’ve heard, not bad….
DE:And you’ve got to see Cleopatra…<wolf whistle>The first time we saw her, she was sitting on this throne on this huge barge, everything was gold, the oars were silver, slaves everywhere, her maids are like these gorgeous mermaids, everything smells like perfume….When Antony first saw her, he asked her out to dinner, and she was like, no, you cometo *my* dinner.
Ag:She had him in bed with her by the end of the night, right?
DE:Of course.He will never get away from her now.She’s addictive.
Mec:Well maybe he needs a good girl like Octavia to see the light.
Ag:We can hope.
Act II Scene III Act II : Scene iii
Enter Mark Antony and Octavia
MA: My job keeps me away from my home and you a lot
O:I pray for you when you are gone
MA: Don’t listen to the things you hear about me, I may have slept around in the past, but from now on I am loyal to you. I’m tired… goodnight.
Enter Soothsayer, exit Octavia
MA: Should I go to Egypt?
Sooth: I don’t know if you should, but I know you will.
MA: who’s future is brighter, mine or Caesar?
Sooth: Caesar, you suck. So stay away from him our envy will overcome you. No matter what you attempt he will always best you.
Exit soothsayer, enter Ventidus
MA: He is right, I’ll go to Egypt. I’m so sick of Rome. Ventidus bring war to Parthia .
Act II scene IV Lepidus, Maecenas, Agrippa
L-Send your generals quickly! We'll all meet at Mt. Misenum to face Pompey.
A-All Antony has to do is kiss Octavia once and we'll turn around and be right back
L-I’ll see you in your soldier’ clothes
M-good
L-bye
Act II, scene v Enter Messenger
Messenger: Yo!
Cleopatra: Antony’s dead! You’re dead!
Messenger: What….? No, he’s fine!
Cleopatra: Awesome! Now you get gold!
Messenger: I do? No wait! Listen!
Cleopatra: Tell me he’s friends with Caesar and I’ll give you money!
Messenger: Ok he is but…
Cleopatra: But what?! What but?! I don’t like buts?! What but?!
Messenger: He hooked up with Octavia…
Cleopatra: What…?
Messenger: He’s married to her now…
Cleopatra: Why?! I hope you die of AIDS Messenger! Hits him
Messenger: What the hell..?! Hits him
Cleopatra: I’ll skin you alive hits him and I’ll make sure that your testicles are ripped out!
Messenger: WHAT?! Stop beating me! Cleopatra takes out knife
Messenger: what the hell?! You douche bag, I ain’t going to die!! I’M OUTTA HERE!
Cleopatra: You’re dead! Messenger exits
Charmian: what did you do?! He was telling you important stuff…!
Cleopatra: I know…fine bring him back I won’t kill him… Messenger comes back
Cleopatra: Ok I won’t beat you; just tell me if he’s really married, ok?
Messenger: Yeah he is…Sorry, but the hag is not up to your standards!
Cleopatra: Okay you can go… Messenger leaves
Cleopatra: Alexas go to Rome and get me EVERY.SINGLE.DETAIL.OF.HER! Alexas Leaves
Cleopatra: Now Mardian, carry me to my room!
Act II Scene VI Scene VI
Pompey: My Father is who I am fighting for
Mark: You would win on sea but I’d destroy on land
Pompey: Fuck you
Lepidus: Hey Pompey! You get the offer?
Pompey: ARGH!
Octavius Caesar Mark Antony Lepidus: That’s our offer
Pompey: Mark Antony pissed me off so no!
Mark Antony: Sorry
Pompey: Lets make peace
Pompey: LETS EAT ON MY SHIP!
Everyone else: LETS GO!
Pompey: AIGHT
Domitius Enobarbus: We are so damn boss
Menas: I know we are
Menas: Mark Antony is coming back to Egypt
Act II Scene VII
Servant- err budy drized
M- the nile…and pyramids….fuckin…big…oh and the harvest is close
L-what the fuck
P-yo lets get drizzed and oh health to Lepidus
L-im gonna boot but ok
DE- your gonna pass out dude
L-na Dude na ptolemies pyramies and shit
M-yo gotts to speak with ya
P-what up…never mind DriNK!!!
L-Dude crocodiles
M-here like long, high and move and stuff
L-what color
M-its color L-das messed up M- Im gonna cry tears wet
OC- will her like this
M- yeah dude
P-go kill your self more alcohol
Menas- Stand up dude
P- you crazy
Menes- you wanna be lord of the world
P-what
Menes- you wanna be lord of the world dude
P-how
Menes- I’ll give it to you
P- you drunk man
Menes-Na
P-how dude
Menes- the triumuirs are gonna be on a boat get onboard and kill them
P- what dude why are you saying that, go to confession dude forget about it, drink
Menes-damn
P-health to Lepidus
DE-cheers menas
Menes- eh yo Enobarbus
P- another round
DE- drink
M- strike the boat, Caesar! DRINK!
OC-No im good
DE-hey budy lets dance and drink
M-lets all hold hands
DE-Yeah lets sing
Song- Eh it doesn’t matter whats the time all I need is me bottle of wine need more than one glass keep drinking till you fall on your ass don’t be gay or a weenie ill punch you in the face if you order an appletini
OC- eh Enobarb is weaker then the wine…night dude
P- see you on shore at my fathers house now get on the boat
Menes- to my crib
DE-HO!!
Menes – ho, Come!
Act II Scene I
Pompey: If the gods are good, they shall help out a good man
Menecrates: You should know that they do things on their own time
Pompey: We need power
Mencrates; We not knowing about ourselves, beg to harm ourselves, which the gods deny for our own good and we’ll benefit from it
Pompey: What the hell does that mean? I will do well: I am a fucking boss and all the other leaders are pompeous douche bags
Menas: Caesar and Lepidus are good guys
Pompey: Where you here this? You are lying!
Menas: From Silvis, sir
Pompey: He dreams: I know they are in Rome together looking for Antony. But Cleopatra is so hot, I’d tap that till next year.
ENTER VARRIUS
SUP WIGGA!
Varrius: Mark Antony will be her soon
Pompey: SO?
Menas: They should battle and both die
Pompey: Your probably right. They’d both die and I could seize power. Anway lets bounce
Act II Scene II
@ Lepidus’ house.
Enter Lepidus & domitius Enobarbus
L: You gotta tell Antony to tone it down when he’s talking about Caesar.
DE: He can talk however he wants, he doesn’t have to bow down to anyone!
L: don’t get fired up, I’m just saying…
Enter Antony & Octavius
L: Guys, we need to talk about what’s going on. Let’s try to be calm and listen to each other.
Ant: I’ll try.
Oct: Welcome to Rome, Antony.
Ant: Thanks. How are you?
Oct: Concerned. About you.
Ant: Because I’ve been in Egypt?
Oct: Not just that you were in Egypt, but what’s been going on here while you were there.
Ant: What are you talking about?
Oct: The fact that your wife and brother led an army against me?
Ant: Look, I had no hand in that. That’s between you and him. And my wife…she’s another story. You can control half the world and still not control her.
Oct: I sent messengers to you in Alexandria, you didn’t even respond!
Ant: Look, I was partying that night, I came back to they guy the next day, it’s over.
Oct: You have betrayed us.
Lep: Wait a minute! Let’s be calm!
Ant: No, let him speak. This is serious. How are you saying I betrayed you?
Oct: You swore to help me in any battle I fought and you didn’t.
Ant: Well, I was going to….look, I’m sorry.
Maecenas: Can we all agree to put this behind us and talk about the real problem we’re facing now?
Lep: Good idea
DE: In any case, we can come back to this, let’s just talk about the Pompey problem now.
Ant: Shut up.
DE: Fine, I forgot I’m not allowed to make helpful suggestions
Agrippa: Caesar, can I make a suggestion?
Oct: Go ahead.
Ag: You have a sister, right, Octavia? And Antony’s wife just died.
Oct: If you don’t count Cleopatra.
Ant: She’s not my wife, let him continue.
Ag: Why doesn’t Antony marry Octavia, she would tie you guys together.
Ant: Caesar, what do you think?
Oct: I don’t know, what do you think?
Ant: I think it sounds like a deal.
Oct: (smiling) It’s a deal! Take my sister for your wife, and let’s hope this is the end of our disagreements.
Lep: Yay! We’re all getting along now! Let’s go find Pompey
Ant: Where is he?
Oct: Mt. Misenum. He is getting more men together by the day and he’s already in control of the sea.
Ant: That’s what I’ve heard. Let’s get going. Lepidus, come with us.
Lep: You don’t have to say that twice!
Exeunt Octavius, Antony, Lepidus
Maecenas: Welcome to Rome, sir.
DE: Thank you, men.
M: You are enjoying Egypt?
DE: Sleep all day, party all night, what’s not to like?
M: That’s what I’ve heard, not bad….
DE: And you’ve got to see Cleopatra…<wolf whistle> The first time we saw her, she was sitting on this throne on this huge barge, everything was gold, the oars were silver, slaves everywhere, her maids are like these gorgeous mermaids, everything smells like perfume….When Antony first saw her, he asked her out to dinner, and she was like, no, you come to *my* dinner.
Ag: She had him in bed with her by the end of the night, right?
DE: Of course. He will never get away from her now. She’s addictive.
Mec: Well maybe he needs a good girl like Octavia to see the light.
Ag: We can hope.
Act II Scene III
Act II : Scene iii
Enter Mark Antony and Octavia
MA: My job keeps me away from my home and you a lot
O: I pray for you when you are gone
MA: Don’t listen to the things you hear about me, I may have slept around in the past, but from now on I am loyal to you. I’m tired… goodnight.
Enter Soothsayer, exit Octavia
MA: Should I go to Egypt?
Sooth: I don’t know if you should, but I know you will.
MA: who’s future is brighter, mine or Caesar?
Sooth: Caesar, you suck. So stay away from him our envy will overcome you. No matter what you attempt he will always best you.
Exit soothsayer, enter Ventidus
MA: He is right, I’ll go to Egypt. I’m so sick of Rome. Ventidus bring war to Parthia .
Act II scene IV
Lepidus, Maecenas, Agrippa
L-Send your generals quickly! We'll all meet at Mt. Misenum to face Pompey.
A-All Antony has to do is kiss Octavia once and we'll turn around and be right back
L-I’ll see you in your soldier’ clothes
M-good
L-bye
Act II, scene v
Enter Messenger
Messenger: Yo!
Cleopatra: Antony’s dead! You’re dead!
Messenger: What….? No, he’s fine!
Cleopatra: Awesome! Now you get gold!
Messenger: I do? No wait! Listen!
Cleopatra: Tell me he’s friends with Caesar and I’ll give you money!
Messenger: Ok he is but…
Cleopatra: But what?! What but?! I don’t like buts?! What but?!
Messenger: He hooked up with Octavia…
Cleopatra: What…?
Messenger: He’s married to her now…
Cleopatra: Why?! I hope you die of AIDS Messenger!
Hits him
Messenger: What the hell..?!
Hits him
Cleopatra: I’ll skin you alive hits him and I’ll make sure that your testicles are ripped out!
Messenger: WHAT?! Stop beating me!
Cleopatra takes out knife
Messenger: what the hell?! You douche bag, I ain’t going to die!! I’M OUTTA HERE!
Cleopatra: You’re dead!
Messenger exits
Charmian: what did you do?! He was telling you important stuff…!
Cleopatra: I know…fine bring him back I won’t kill him…
Messenger comes back
Cleopatra: Ok I won’t beat you; just tell me if he’s really married, ok?
Messenger: Yeah he is…Sorry, but the hag is not up to your standards!
Cleopatra: Okay you can go…
Messenger leaves
Cleopatra: Alexas go to Rome and get me EVERY.SINGLE.DETAIL.OF.HER!
Alexas Leaves
Cleopatra: Now Mardian, carry me to my room!
Act II Scene VI
Scene VI
Pompey: My Father is who I am fighting for
Mark: You would win on sea but I’d destroy on land
Pompey: Fuck you
Lepidus: Hey Pompey! You get the offer?
Pompey: ARGH!
Octavius Caesar Mark Antony Lepidus: That’s our offer
Pompey: Mark Antony pissed me off so no!
Mark Antony: Sorry
Pompey: Lets make peace
Pompey: LETS EAT ON MY SHIP!
Everyone else: LETS GO!
Pompey: AIGHT
Domitius Enobarbus: We are so damn boss
Menas: I know we are
Menas: Mark Antony is coming back to Egypt
Act II Scene VII
Servant- err budy drized
M- the nile…and pyramids….fuckin…big…oh and the harvest is close
L-what the fuck
P-yo lets get drizzed and oh health to Lepidus
L-im gonna boot but ok
DE- your gonna pass out dude
L-na Dude na ptolemies pyramies and shit
M-yo gotts to speak with ya
P-what up…never mind DriNK!!!
L-Dude crocodiles
M-here like long, high and move and stuff
L-what color
M-its color
L-das messed up
M- Im gonna cry tears wet
OC- will her like this
M- yeah dude
P-go kill your self more alcohol
Menas- Stand up dude
P- you crazy
Menes- you wanna be lord of the world
P-what
Menes- you wanna be lord of the world dude
P-how
Menes- I’ll give it to you
P- you drunk man
Menes-Na
P-how dude
Menes- the triumuirs are gonna be on a boat get onboard and kill them
P- what dude why are you saying that, go to confession dude forget about it, drink
Menes-damn
P-health to Lepidus
DE-cheers menas
Menes- eh yo Enobarbus
P- another round
DE- drink
M- strike the boat, Caesar! DRINK!
OC-No im good
DE-hey budy lets dance and drink
M-lets all hold hands
DE-Yeah lets sing
Song- Eh it doesn’t matter whats the time all I need is me bottle of wine need more than one glass keep drinking till you fall on your ass don’t be gay or a weenie ill punch you in the face if you order an appletini
OC- eh Enobarb is weaker then the wine…night dude
P- see you on shore at my fathers house now get on the boat
Menes- to my crib
DE-HO!!
Menes – ho, Come!